“Besides, it doesn’t matter if it’s real. It never does with dreams. They aren’t anything anyway but lifesavers to cling to so you don’t drown. Life is an ocean, and most everyone’s hanging on to some kind of dream to keep afloat.”

-Tim Tharp

When did this start? And how the hell will it end?

I don't really remember a specific time I started feeling this way. Maybe middle school. When will it end. Maybe it won't.

Winning at something.

    Hi everyone, if there is anyone.. Today I found out that I won a writing contest for my college! It was an essay on issues in The Department of Veteran Affairs. I am happy. Its only a $50 prize but its more than nothing! I actually submitted not only the essay, but 3 poems too. I was extremely hesitant to do so. They are intimate, private feelings and I share those poems with nobody. I don't know what made me submit them. I am embarrassed now to know that the judges read them. Oh well, I went out on a limb and I won something. Well, I'm $50 richer!

Nothing.

    I was having a conversation with my brothers girlfriend who is a therapist yesterday. She was going on about people who talk highly of themselves usually have zero self confidence. Girls who put out a lot have zero self esteem. I couldn't help but get angry at that. What do you call a girl who never talks highly of herself, or just talks about herself in general because she knows no one cares. Because there is nothing good to talk about. What do you call a girl who no guy wants? What do you call a girl who cant get anyone because she is too ashamed of herself to even try, not like anyone would want her anyways. What do you call that? Nothing. I am nothing.

So I was on my way home today when I heard dozens of love songs and couldn't help but cry and wonder if I will ever feel this way. When I was 10, I thought "Just wait until your a teenager and all the boys will like you!" When I was 13 I thought "Just wait until high school, all the boys will love you!" During high school, I thought "Just wait until college.. Thats when it'll happen." Well, its college. Now what?

Waiting.

   So Im sitting here in a cafe. Just contemplating a lot of things. Is something wrong with me? When is my life going to start? Or is this my "start?" I just don't get it. I think as I am sitting here, I am slowly realizing that I need to make it start. This is it. Me sitting here, day dreaming about what I want to happen to me, isn't just going to happen. What do I have to do to make it happen? I guess I am just hopeful but not willing.

Washington, DC

Chicago, IL

Arlington National Cemetery
Washington, DC

Prague, Czech Republic

Perkasie, PA

South Beach, FL

Hand Knitted Scarves
Holland, PA

Camp Knockamixon
Pennsylvania

Ben Franklin Bridge
Philadelphia, PA

Wildwood, NJ

Chicago, IL

Tyler State Park
Newtown, PA

City Hall
Philadelphia, PA

Philadelphia, PA

Philadelphia, PA

Broad Street
Philadelphia, PA

Deerfield Beach, FL

Deerfield Beach, FL

Coconut Creek, FL

Deerfield Beach, FL

Tyler State Park
Newtown, PA

Perkasie, PA

Perkasie, PA

Perkasie, PA

Chicago, IL

Perkasie, PA

Navy Pier
Chicago, IL

Lewis Watson
Philadelphia, PA

Staten Island Ferry
New York

Union Square Apartment
New York, NY

Perkasie, PA

Homemade Pizzells
Holland, PA

Core Creek Park
Bucks County, PA

Ground Zero
New York City